Though this State Will of I.B.A. Procrastinator was obviously written a bit tongue-in-check, rest assured the facts and possible scenarios it details are all too accurate and do occur every day to families in which a Will and the necessary estate documents were not in place.
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LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT
OF
I. B. A. PROCRASTINATOR
Being of sound mind and memory, but thinking I will never die, I, I. B. A. PROCRASTINATOR, do hereby publish this, as my last Will and testament:
FIRST, I give my wife only one-third of my possessions, and I give my children the remaining two-thirds. If my children no longer live at home, they can come to my house and remove what they want. My spouse will have to make do with what is left.
(A) I appoint my wife as guardian of my children, but as a safeguard I require that she report to the probate court each year and render an accounting of how, why and where she spent the money necessary for the proper care of our children.
(B) As a further safeguard, I direct my wife to pay for an expensive performance bond each year to guarantee that she exercises proper judgment in the handling, investing and spending of the children’s money. If she doesn’t file the accounting, the judge can put her in jail.
(C) As a final safeguard, my children shall have the right to demand and receive a complete accounting from their mother of all of her financial actions with their money as soon as they reach legal age.
(D) When my daughter reaches age 18, she shall have full rights to withdraw and spend her share of my estate. If she marries that lazy slob she has been dating, she can give her share to him. My son shall also have this right as soon as he reaches age 18. No one shall have any right to question my children’s actions on how they decide to spend their respective shares. I am confident they will save and invest every penny of it.
SECOND, Should my wife remarry, her second husband shall be entitled to one-half of everything my wife possesses. In fact, it’s okay with me if she leaves it all to him. Should my children need some of this share for their support, the second husband shall not be bound to spend any part of his share on my children’s behalf. If she leaves him the house, he can kick my children out if he wants to. He can also have my family heirlooms. I’d rather him have them instead of my children. The second husband shall have sole right to decide who is to get his share, even to the exclusion of my children.
THIRD, Should my wife predecease me or die while any of my children are minors, I do not wish to exercise my right to nominate the guardian of my children. Rather than nominating a guardian of my preference, I direct probate court to appoint one even if my children, relatives and friends disagree. If the Court wishes, it may appoint a stranger acceptable to it. If I was previously married, my ex-wife can take control of the children’s money even though I fought to keep it from her in the divorce.
FOURTH, I decline to pick an Executor. I will let the Court pick one. The Court can choose my spouse even though she cannot handle money, or it may pick a creditor of mine. I know the creditor will act in the best interest of my family.
FIFTH, Under existing law, there are certain legitimate avenues open to me to lower the amount of federal estate taxes payable at my death. Since I prefer to have my money used for governmental purposes rather than for the benefit of my wife and children, I direct that no effort be made to lower taxes.
IN WITNESS WHEREOD, I have set my hand to this my Last Will and Testament.
This __________day of _____________20____.
__________________________________________________
I.B.A. PROCRASTINATOR
WITNESSES:
__________________________________
___________________________________
State Will
Experienced Wills, Trusts &
Estate Attorney, Chattanooga, TN
Jerre Mosley